The Pseudo Christian

There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. (2 Timothy 1-5)

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. (1 Timothy 4 :1-3)

...and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold... (Matthew 24 :11-13)

...You have forsaken your first love...(Revelation 2:4)

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean.In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. (Matthew 23:23-29)

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' (Matthew 7 :15-23)

"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12 :33-37)

Jesus replied, "And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.' But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,' he is not to 'honor his father' with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you:
" 'These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
They worship me in vain;
their teachings are but rules taught by men.'" (Matthew 15:3-9)

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:8

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' Matthew 25 : 41-43)

For certain men whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord. (Jude 1:4)

Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals—these are the very things that destroy them. (Jude 1:10)

These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, "In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires." These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit. (Jude 1: 16-19)

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? (Hebrews 9 :26 -29)

And I still dont like fire crackers though I dont mind them now

Fire crackers, I hate them, I am scared of them or rather the sound waves of huge decibels made by them. Every time I hear one, I cant help but jump. When I was small, I used to hide under the bed, stay there for a period of two days with wads of cotton stuffed in my ears, during Diwali, and only come out to feed myself. Now, don't give that smirk to me, maybe I am a cracker phobic.
But being an Indian, staying in India leaves me no choice but to resort to such crude methods to escape those jolting acoustics that gets at me every year. My parents hoped against hope that this phobia of mine would gradually fade from my life as I grew older and got married and had children, but I proved them wrong!! Now it is my husband Manoj's turn to hope so.
I feel God too wanted me to overcome this morbid fear of crackers, so I had my test of my life...

Last year, feeling sympathetic to my inner fears, Manoj suggested a getaway from the din of Diwali season to a far, quiet place in the city outskirts. The idea sounded good to me and off we went on a four day trip. Kids were excited too, atleast Abhishek was and Kia, we couldn't find out as she was too small then, just over 8 or 9 months.
We had everything packed, even a kettle to boil water and clean feeding bottles, plus all that I felt would come handy over there. It was a farmhouse, aptly named the 'Silent world', the magnitude of the aptness would hit us only later.
It was half past 8 in the evening when we reached the place after many phone calls to the manager for guidance. This was further from a village, the last of the civilised world we would see for a few days, set deep within a huge barricaded compound of a mostly vacant farmland.
As our car wheeled in front of the establishment, Manoj had to keep the car headlights on as he went to open the huge gate (there was no security/guard to greet us nor were there lights) and then we reached the main office or the club house. There were a handful of helps besides the manager and soon we were shown in to a cottage, the only one of its kind in the near and far vicinity!
The house was built on an elevation, was furnished, had two bedrooms, a drawing room with TV and a kitchen. I set about getting the place ready for our habitation as Manoj and kids settled in the sofa. Children were tired and we ordered food for them, fed them bathed them and I went to get the beds ready. That's when I saw this creature on the bedside, a huge lizard, the size of Comodo dragon (maybe I exaggerated, but did I not tell you I am scared of lizards too?)!! I gave loud shriek and Manoj fearing the worst came rushing to my aid, he tried to pacify me that it was just a lizard, but was a little bigger than the usual variety we get to see in houses. Nothing could pacify me and he called up the officials at the clubhouse. They sounded amused to Manoj as they said they couldn't possibly drive it out as it was part of the house and the house itself was near the forest.
It was getting late and I was forced to join the kids and Manoj in bed. But could I possibly sleep with this godzilla lurking behind the curtains? I kept a night vigil- super (scared) mom to the rescue of her family from the giant reptile.
I jumped everytime I heard howls or rustlings outside. I wondered who else were part of the household from our friendly neighbourhood jungle. To be honest, I have never prayed the whole night till then but that night I did.
The long night passed out and daylight streamed in and was I glad but was too exhausted. As we went out to drink in the scenery outside, we were alarmed to see nothing but long stretches of land and vegetation and rocks surrounding us, there was no human habitation for miles around.

We had a good time at the clubhouse, with swimming pool and well maintained lawns. Kids loved to play cricket, tennis and hide and seek. As the daylight faded, my fears resurfaced, another long night's vigil...
As the night hesitantly wore on, I just wished to hear human voices outside, sound of speeding cars, truck horns, or even our neighbour's constant hammering away in the middle of the night and...and...fire crackers that would remind me that people were around us, that we were not alone.
But I didn't have the heart to tell Manoj to cancel the trip and return to the city, after all he had meticulously planned it out for me, to take me to a 'Silent world' where there were no fire crackers to scare me...
Day three and things were getting on my nerves, Manoj sensed it and asked me should we go back home and as I hesitated to give a reply, Abhishek voiced my answer, "Papa, I want to go back home". Whew...
And that's how we came back cutting short our trip to no man's land and as we steered into our lane, I couldn't help but smile at those otherwise bratty kids in the next door apartment getting ready to burst more fire crackers. After getting fresh, I offered to prepare dinner surprising Manoj as I would dare not move to kitchen usually at this time of the year. And as I happily cooked, bomb-like crackers, rockets and other burstable stuff went off around our apartment...But now I was happy, relieved to be back among humans away from the silent world!

Dear Diary

Been a long time since I wrote anything...been busy last few days/weeks with Manoj away for a fortnight, kids getting sick and Abhishek's exams, I know he is just a 3rd grader but still mothers do become anxious over their kids, be it a toddler or a teenager. As for my son, I always envy the way he stays cool especially regarding school and homeworks and exams. Well, his amma is there, isn't she? to look up the timetable and decide what/when/how to study. And his responsibility, is to decide when to stop studying and what/when is his favourite show on TV! Then of course his sister Kripa, well, she is there to keep me busy the whole day.
If nothing else, she could just pull out every toy and book I had just arranged neatly in the shelf and spread it out on the floor and give me one of those adorable looks and my heart melts. She is so helpful that she pours water from the filter all over the place so she can wipe it for amma with of course her new frock from the cupboard or would take all her time removing those washed damp clothes from the cloth stand and put them back in a bucket of water. Abhishek was as helpful when he was little, though he is not these days (thankfully), he would pour out buckets of water on the bedroom floor and even on the bed when I head for the kitchen or would empty a whole jar of hair gel on his head just after I had given him a bath and gone to get his dress. Wow! did these things really happen? And you still want to know my moment of Zen?
Well, its when my son runs into the bushes while we go for a walk to get a flower for amma or when Kia pulls every leaf from a plant saying "Fawa, Fawa (read flower)" and puts it before me. And when they suddenly come and hug me tightly and give one of their 'smack' kisses while still engrossed in their play and while I lie down dead tired.

Turn offs, turn ons

hmmm...why not just list these out, I thought, maybe it will help you know me better or worse!!

Turn offs

• Plastic smiles, hollow words (I call them masked menaces, me thinks batman and spiderman are much better)
• Short term and long term memory losses over names/details...Forgetting my name is quite pardonable (wow! I seem to have had a revival!) but renaming me is quite unpardonable, according to me!! (This is not done by strangers, mind you, but by 'acquaintances')
• Loud mouths, foul mouths (I can, somehow, stand real stink but not foul language) and big mouths
• Absence of any sort of listening ability : We need to listen to all their banter and the moment we open our mouth to speak, they simply leave you high and dry, as they search for new audience
• Double standards
• Flattery, sugar sweet nothings, dishonest opinions
• Extreme Negativity and discouraging words ( I am negative, mostly, as it in my blood, I am B-ve, jokes apart, I am a pessimist), but some cross the limit. They make you feel the whole world is one dreary, awful, cruel place where you are a misfit, in just a second
  
• Lack of sense of humour...duh...
• Dominating kings and drama queens, the fashion conscious
  
• False humility, religiosity/spirituality, long prayers, no action, hard hearts, the-more-talkers -less-walkers
• Attention seekers
• Selfishness (We all are, but some have reached the peak) : The height of it is when you think that everyone in the whole world is well-fed when you finish your meal.
• Extreme materialism
  

Turn Ons

• Honesty, downright, when one can tell the truth in your face without fear of rejection
• Compassion toward the suffered not just in words but in deeds
• Cheerfulness
• Slow to talk and anger and quick to listen
• Courteousness, gentleness
• Never imposing but always accomodating
• Promise Keepers
  

See, now you know I am rarely impressed by anyone and the person who fits the bill is Jesus alone...

Faith Race

It was an afternoon when the church ladies were chatting up at the porch of one of the members. And the topic eventually shifted to labour pains. Fortunately there were no teenage girls around and if they were, we would have definitely scared them off with the elaborate discussions on the height and depth of birth pangs. And as it is the trend these days, everything(including the mileage of your car) is measured in terms of one's faith, and obviously many were trying to project their 'measure' now. To all those who are ignorant of the issue, it is like this, faith in God and pain(you can put any other word like, suffering, disease, debts in the place of pain here) are inversely proportional according to many, not me. So as the pain decreases, it shows an immense amount of faith in the Almighty.
Apparently, I was already out of the race as I had undergone caesarian section which is considered (according to them and not by me and obviously not by my Lord either) a dead failure, so kept my mouth shut. To me it appeared as if I am amongst the champions in the art of giving birth. There were aunts and my peers who had just a 'few' hours to two hours of labour and whoosh! the baby had come out. There was even a new mother who was glowing with glee more because of her feat (she had just had half-an-hour of labour! Oh my! and I just could almost hear me screaming away for 14 hours in the labour room and Manoj sobbing away in the lobby). She had become the undisputed winner in that faith race and she looked elated like a Miss India (or Mother India). But then the moment of glory was broken by a mother of a four year old. She said, "But I didnt have any pain!". "What!" the next second, all eyes were on her. Unbelievable, miraculous, what great faith, the adjectives just kept flowing...
After tea, each of us were taking leave off the place and I had an opportunity to talk to this wonder woman. "Didnt you feel any pain at all?" I asked her once again dubiously. "No, nothing at all". "What happened then?" I asked. "Well..." she started, "I am scared stiff of any sort of pain and my husband was equaly terrified, so he went and requested the doctor for a painless delivery for me. So, the doctor gave me anasthaesia and took out the baby. When I opened my eyes, the baby had already come and voila, no pain!" "Did he operate on you?" I asked her and she triumphantly nodded. "hmm... thats what we call a C-section" I told her as I turned to leave.

A day at my nest

All days are tiring but some are more tiring than others(I am a great fan of George Orwell's Animal Farm.)
I always feel like pasting these words on our wall. Nothing inspring about it but just so everyone would know that my hands are full...Not convinced yet? Here's my diary of events:

Before I begin let me introduce my family. Manoj, my husband, like any Indian, works, in a software firm, Abhishek our first-born is 8 years old and Kia, our little princess is 1 3/4 and is according to her brother, 'the naughtiest girl in town!,'

7:00AM - Just woke up, now have to drag myself to the kitchen and get Abhi's and Manoj's lunch ready. Manoj, who woke up earlier after storing the sparingly available water, has already woken up Abhi but he is still lying on the sofa. Have to get him to the wash basin.
7:30 AM- I thrust the loaded toothbrush into his hands and he is actually brushing his teeth! Great! Now as Manoj is getting himself ready, I have to prepare Abhishek's breakfast and make sure he finishes it.
8:00AM -Abhi is still half-asleep, but gets into his uniform and is about to put on his shoes when he announces that he needs to go to the toilet (we had asked him many times but he was sure he didnt want to), so down comes the shorts, shirt everything.
8:15AM -Just as I enter the toilet to help him out, Kia wakes up with a wail. So I rush to the bedroom to soothe her while Manoj attends to Abhi and gets his newly pressed pants wet.
8:20AM- Kia goes back to sleep, I come out and help out Manoj in getting Abhi back into his uniform. Its late for school, a rush to the door and a wave of hand and they are off.
8:30AM - I take my tea cup, get ready to read the paper, Kia wakes up again - she peed on the bed. Now she would cling onto me for an hour, wont let me do anything but get her milk. So I get her milk, feed her and then again onto me she climbs.
9:30AM- Meanwhile the maid comes and goes. Kia insists on going out to watch her wash clothes (she actually wanted to wallow in the mud pool) but I dissuade her. Her wailing starts again.
10:00AM - After futile attempts to feed her egg, banana, porridge and dosa, I turn on the TV, play out her favourite songs on DVD. She appears to be watching it and I tiptoe to the next room and start pedalling my exercise cycle. Kia has already reached there and is trying to climb on to my lap. I abandon the idea and go back to watch the songs with her.
10:30AM- Again I try to feed her cookies, apple and cashew but fail miserably. One thing I know is that she is too quick and dexterous for me. As she is intersted in her doll, I go again to the other room to do some writing in the computer and the power goes off. Kia has already lost interest in her doll and is now wailing for her song. But dear, there is no power I try to explain to her but she screams again. I take her out for a walk.
12:00 noon- Finally the power has come, I am tired of running after her but she is still energetic. I give her more cookies/chips and water and rush to the kitchen to prepare lunch. A few minutes and Kia cries out that she has done her toilet. I get back to her and she is already pointing to the lump on the floor and screaming "two, two!" I take her out, clean her up, put her in a safe place and run to clean up the floor before she starts her crying.
1:00 PM - Finally lunch is ready. I try to give her a quick bath, but she has other ideas. I manage to get her out and start feeding her.
2:00PM - Kia has finished her 'elaborate' luncheon (you wouldnt know this if you see her being quite thin and all) , meanwhile I had to clean her up twice as she put glue followed by a whole bottle of eucalyptus on herself. I fill up my plate to eat but have to keep it aside as she has climbed on to the bookshelf and is furiously throwing everything down.
2:30PM- After a hurried lunch, I get myself and her ready to get Abhishek from school.
3:00PM- We are back home, I busy myself in getting Abhishek out of his uniform into his 'home' dress through a bath while keeping Kia from playing with water, from attacking the books again, from climbing on the Keyboard, from emptying Abhi's lunch box on her favourite chair and from tearing Abhishek's classwork. Abhishek has lunch, Kia again removes her diaper, wets her dress and I have to chase her to redress her.
4:30 pM - All settled, time for Kia's nap (her afternoon naps are quickly shifting to evening naps) which is a long procedure by the end of which I am drained.
5:00pM- Abhishek needs help in his homework and studies. Have to do it with least possible noise for Kia is a light sleeper (like her mother)
7:00PM- Kia wakes up just as I am about to prepare dinner, so its clinging time!
7:30PM - As Abhi and Kia are playing I tippy toe to kitchen and 'prepare' dinner and come back just in time to prevent Kia from banging her head on the table top as she is chased by her brother.
8:00PM -Dinner time for kids and Manoj arrives. Whoa! free atlast. I dump Kia on to his hands and he feeds her while I clean up kitchen, take a bath and try to catch with him but we cant hear each other over kids' yelling.
9:30PM- Our dinner is over, children want to play with Papa. So Manoj plays with Abhishek catch-catch, Kia has again climbed on the Keyboard and turned it to full volume with a hip hop beat. We try to catch up over the din.
10:00PM- bed time for Abhishek but not yet for Kia. For her, its playtime!
11:30PM- Kia finally shows signs of sleep. So we get her milk. After her drink, she is again playful while we doze off.
12:30PM- Kia is finally asleep. We smile at each other triumphantly and crash into the bed promising to catch up with each other tomorrow...

Wish I could send a weekly report, then mine would be the longest for sure.

Seen and not Heard - Petra

Too many black sheep in the family
Too many stones from a house of glass
They've heard the story, they've heard the lines
But talk is too cheap to change their minds
They want to see some vital signs

Convictions - in the way we live
Convictions - not a narrative
Actions speak a little louder than words

Seen and not heard, seen and not heard
Sometimes God's children should be seen and not heard
There's too much talk and not enought walk
Sometimes God's children should be seen and not heard

Delayed reaction to hostility
Brings us into reality
Cause when we answer in our defense
They can see through the false pretense
They want to see some evidence

Commitment - no more alibis
Commitment - not a compromise
Actions speak a little louder than words

Let your light so shine in all you do
With an answer near when they come to you
Don't let your mouth start talkin'
Until your feet start walkin'

Happenings of a childhood

When I was small, too small to understand the world I was brought into (Manoj reminds me that I had enlightenment after I met him), I had quite a number of conclusions of my own (some put in their by my parents for their convenience) about everything around me, which means I was highly opiniated (even now, I am).
When I was 2 years old, I was sure that when I grew up, my parents would 'grow small' and then I would be the one who would 'take care' of them (Imagine me wringing and rubbing my hands together with a witchy smile he he he....). And I waited in vain for that golden oppurtunity of retaliation for all that force feeding and branding and the 'no s' and ofcourse those yucky cough syrups Papa pushed down my throat to fight germs. I even dreamt of becoming a doctor and 'treating' Papa with a huge syringe and the biggest needle.
My mother always scared me from swallowing any fruit seeds especially the grape and orange ones and her explanation was, "If you swallow it, it will germinate and will grow out of your ass". Once I accidentaly did swallow a seed and in panic had sleepless nights and kept checking any signs of greenery that would peek out of 'you know where'.
I grew up watching a lot of Hindi movies and had my own undertsanding of marriage and thereafter. I thought that a woman would become pregnant if she just slept beside a man or shared a glass of anything (usually milk, that was what they showed in movies) or just kissed him behind those dancing flowers. Well, please excuse my ignorance, I was unaware of the stork business.
My friends in school always fed my mind with ghosts and those female vampires prominent in our malayalee culture. I did have a vivid imagination and always seemed to have a close encounter of the third and fourth kind (I am pretty sure that Syamalan must have got hold of my ideas somehow). So I jumped at every hoot of the owl, the howl of dogs and always kept my fingers crossed, insisted on wearing my little neck chain with the cross on it even while taking a bath and slept between my parents. I outgrew it to fall into the fellowship of aliens and ETs in my later years till high school.
I so firmly believed in evolution and the forming of different species from an amoeba that I had secrelty kept a pool of dirty water in the backyard, hoping to attract any visiting amoebas in the neighbourhood. After every thunderstorm I went to spy out signs of any 'lifeforms' or atleast a dinosaur emerge out of that 'life' pool.
My father often told me that if I refuse to help my parents at daily chores even fail to get him a glass of water, I would be a lizard in rebirth. Since then I have a had an aversion for those creepy crawlies even though I am free of all the so called childhood beliefs when I became a Christian.
I was so sure that the earth was flat as a table and was quite surprised to learn the contrary in my school science book.
I found it difficult to digest the fact that we humans can have only a second set of teeth in our lifetime while I always felt there was enough time to brush my yellowing teeth after eating chocolates when I grew old and had another fresh set. My mother told me the truth, for once. So I was quite scared when I fell off a swing at grandpa's place and hit my precious new teeth on the hard floor. I was afraid the doctor would insist on removing those front incisors leaving me with a gaping hole which I would have to live with the rest of my life.
When our first TV set arrived, I couldnt resist the urge to look behind the box for better view and even come close to the screen so I can have a wider peek into this new world of images.
There were many other superstitions that were part of my childhood like, never swing your legs over your head when you are lieing on your tummy, do not look in the mirror in the night, dont clap your wet hands, dont clip/bite your nails in the evening, do not whistle and so on.
Coupled with these were my own fears of sirens which I firmly believed was the 'Koku', our family monster's howl before the prowl.
I thought that there was a world opposite to mine beyond my image in the mirror and often tried to catch a glimpse of it by hiding behind the curtain and keeping a watch over it (I should have sued those Hollywood guys for pinching this idea off me).
I firmly believed in the auspisiousness of the right part of your body so much that I insisted on walking on my right foot alone when I went to school especially for exams!
Then there was a time when I felt that whatever I voice out is going to turn negative and all that I think is going to happen. There was always a reversal of this belief at regular intervals.
Then ofcourse I felt someone was watching my everymove and knew every detail about me and years later I was shocked to watch The Truman Show, the Hollywood guys tricked me again...

Now, with my feet firmy planted on the ground and all those fears banished forever from my mind, I am trudging along trying to answer my kids in a 'harmless' way( I still belong to that category of people who are puritans at heart) about birth, humanity and wide wild world.

'Well' wishers

You will know a well wisher when:

1. In school, you are good at studies, your grades are really impressive. But during one exam, you fall ill and sadly couldnt appear for the test. Your mother visits your teacher to let her know of the situation and she expresses her concern. On her way back, mother meets your best friend, she asks about you. She looks really concerned and asks mother, "Aunty what happened to her? Wont she write the exam?" Your mother explains your condition and is glad about your choice of friends until she blurts out, "WOW! If she wont write this time, I will be the topper!"

2. You spend sleepless nights to write an article for the college magazine and submit it before the editors and wait with your fingers crossed. Finally the magazine is published and your article is noticed by few. Yours truly goes through the magazine during the break, has an opinion for every article including the ads but skips your page. You fume.

3. You are dressed up to college in a sari for the first time. You feel beautiful and like a lady sail about the campus until she arrives in a stunning outfit, gives a glance to your side and says, "I like the colour of your sari, but it doesnt look much good on you, 'cos you have have large head and skinny figure, besides your ears stick out and your eys are so small which could be the reason for your big head." And you feel like doing a vanishing act then and there.


4. You wake up early in the morning, after a good night's sleep(no nightmares), the sun is shining and you feel great and fresh, having a positive attitude (unlike other days), ready to take over the world. As you step outside, she would bump into you insisting to delay your appointment, look at you intently for a while and ask you, "What happned to you? You dont seem well today? Are you alright? Your eyes are puffy, your skin looks grey? Didnt you sleep well yesterday?" And your smile fades and your head droops and the sky turns cloudy.

5.You are happy with your marriage. You feel you are taking care of your husband well. But ouyr 'friend' doesnt think so. She pulls you to her side and advices you to 'feed' your husband well. She exclaims, "My, he looks so skinny. Looks like you are having his shar of dinner too", she jokes and you try to hide your vexation. Now, God had blessed you with kids. They are bounding with energy and in your eyes look pretty healthy. Your well wisher apppears and looks worried, "Oh, what happened to them? Were they ill the whole week? Why dont you feed them anything? Just let me have them for a month, I will show you how to tak care of kids this age."

6. You have piled up a few kilos over the years binging and ofcourse in my case, post delivery. You need to desperately to do something about the burden you are carrying about because the doctor has also warned you of the dangers of being in the borderline of obesity. You feel like a whale. Teens have started calling you 'Aunty' (Hey dont you dare, I am still young) and your husband, 'Bhaiyya' though he too is on the heavier side. You feel miserable. Then she meets you (wonder how they find you at the 'right' time), gives you that intent look and then says, "Wow! you've never looked great before. What did you do? I love your complexion and the way you've draped your shawl around, I simply love it. And you just look the same even after having two kids..."making you feel on cloud nine and you immediately abandon the idea of shedding that blubber.

7. Finally your husband (in my case) has convinced you (dont ask me how, it was really hard for him) to finally drag yourself to that exercise cycle that had been gathering dust all those days. You work out, diet, drink vegetable juice, stop eating all those yummies and it pays off. Your family feels great about your new avatar. You can finally fit into those old pair of jeans which you had hidden in your cupboard for your daughter's legacy and had to resize most of your ballooning kurtis. In general you feel wonderful, accomplished. Then our Miss/Mrs truly arrives, the new you stand before her as a surprise, wait for her reaction...nothing. She goes around the house, appreciates even the new footmat you have put near the kitchen sink but 'fails' to have noticed the 'big' difference. As she steps out the door, she pats your tummy and says, "Time for a tummy tuck..." And you feel defeated...

8. You are excitedly describing the holiday you had with your family in a resort, which she had suggested and had gone before umpteen times. She seems interested for a while, but then asks you, "Did you play in the pool?" You look disaapointed, "No, it was under renovation". She looks releived for the first time and adds, "I am so happy about the pool, we didnt miss the fun after all."

9. You decide to go real trendy today to church ( in my case), so you dress up really cool, with silver jewelry and dangling earrings. Your husband tells you, you looked as good without them, you disagree. Her eyes travel all over you and she looks surprised. You wince when she finally says in front of a huge gathering, " You do look good, I must say, for once."

Yes, I do have great many 'well' wishers in my life but one thing I cannot deny is that they do stick with me through the 'thick' and 'thin' of life and deflates me at regular intervals that I always land up on the ground,though head first, thus ensuring I am always well grounded.

Straight talk

The environmentalists talk about green earth, breathing space, urban forests, replenishing soil, to use resources frugally, never to exhaust them; the economists want us to invest, spend less, save more, buy intelligently; the health gurus are for organic food, daily exercise, control of emotions, meditaion, music, time out in the rain and sunshine, enjoy life and against over exhaustion of the body and mind and for peace of mind ...but when it comes to our children, its WAR!!!
Parents fall over eachother trying to push their kids to the fore front of everything they take part in. The moment a baby is born, the 'art' of comparing begins - How much does he weigh? When did she roll over? When did he walk? Does he talk? Can she write? (the child is just crossing the border of infancy). Can he recite all the rhymes? The list is ofcourse endless...And before he knows anything, a pencil is thrust into his tiny, plump hand and is sqeezed and hurt to make him print the alphabet on paper. The child as he grows up is expected to be both quiet in presence of elders and smart and active when summoned by parents to 'perform' before the guests. She should be talkative, even mouthing big words learnt straight from the adults(Daddy gets so proud when junior imitates him over the phone, even using those swear words reserved for the special occasion) but has to shut her mouth when grown-ups talk. Children are expected to understand the complicated ways of our society and yet are never considered as individuals.We are so quick to label them as naughty, haughty, hyper and dumb at an age when children are just getting used to the new environment, learning the 'rules' of a strange world where a 'yes' could mean 'no' at any point of time depending on situation.
We would buy them anything from candy to those huge 'Transformer' toys just to silence them, so they wouldnt eat our brains out when we are on an important task but turn sour when they become demanding as they do not know an alternative way to contentment in life. To save time, we feed them junk stuff in front of TV, take them out most days and then when they turn to couch potatoes, we blame them to be lazybones. We could have failed every exam in our school days, could have bunked classes, watched movies on the eve of an exam but when it comes to our children, they should be the toppers in every subject, infallible, genuises (though parents can be school dropouts) fighting tooth and nail to get that rank in the class test as if their life depends on it...We demand, threaten, bully, blackmail or even entice to get our child study those boring topics which will be of no use to them when they are out of school/college...
Imagine if that child is special and needs extra care, time, resources for his/her growth. The parents feel burdened, ashamed to be among their peers and the society (I am talking about India) finds it difficult to accept them as normal but makes a point to show extra 'sympathy' which is actually charity packed with low grade pity.

The Bible says that children are a gift from God and every good and perfect gift comes from God. Do we have the right to question or compare the gifts that we receive by grace from God? Is this how we treat a gift from the Creator and Master? Just as a means to satiate our own hidden desires and unfulfilled dreams? We who can spend loads of money on objects of comfort are so stingy when it comes to giving a little encouragement, appreciation and patience. We can never seem to accept a change in our plans that we have made for our children which inculdes, choosing school, college, activities and finally life partner and even sometimes the lives of their children... Thus an artiste would end up suturing a mutilated body, a creative writer might be typing out those stupid codes (which can even be done by a tenth grade student) or a singer might be in the din of concrete mixers and hum of jackhammers...
Why cant we leave them to grow up in their own pace? Why do we expect them to be great achievers? The world is not filled with successful people alone, remember? Why wouldnt we want them to be caring, sharing, loving, soft spoken, individuals who are genuine by nature? Let them be spontaneuos, creative, imaginative, free, enjoying their place in the family and society. Let them not feel burdened to prove out their worth to those very people who are responsible in bringing them to this world and upon whom they are totally dependent on. No matter if they are slow in learning, needs an extra chance everyday, not a smarty, not dextrous, not profecient in anything in particular. Let them be as they are but let them feel acceptable atleast to us, their parents. Let them feel secure, be confident, be an overcomer, stable, honest and be comfortable and proud in their own skin. If this is achieved I would say the child has learnt to live happily in our world.

A confession

One thing I have resolved to do is to stop being passive when I see injustice in front of me. There is something I want to confess that has dogged me for quite few months. This was end of last year, we were on our way to church ( as usual we were late, had parked the car and were in a hurry to get to the other side of the road, which was already brimming with sunday traffic). A family of three, husband wife and child passed us by, obviously they were from the same church attending an earlier service, I thought. Then we heard some noises from behind. We turned around and were shocked to see the white kurta clad husband hitting a tramp with a lathi 'borrowed' from an onlooking security guard!! Whatever could have happened? I looked at Manoj and saw him equally confused. The man continued to attack the beggar, who had his hands folded as if pleading to stop the violence, while the wife and child watched silently. Could it be that the beggar was an eve-teaser caught red-handed? Mean while, the kurta man seemed to have seen the stupor on our face, "This dirty beggar was talking filth about our Jesus, I can never forgive such atrocity", he explained. By the time we both recovered, the family had left, husband walking in front, head held high, with a mission accomplished attitude, wife followed with the baby clinging on to her. The security looked amusedly at the lathi which was now broken in two and the man in rags was limping away, still wimpering, the damage had been done. For a few seconds neither of us could talk, we felt ashamed, of ourselves for being so dumb and selfish that we couldnt stop that man, ashamed of such fellow 'brothers' who have taken the teachings of our Lord to 'such' heights where retaliation has taken the place of love and forgiveness, ashamed that we are far away from our Master, who cried out even in His moment of greatest agony, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing", while nailed to the cross half-naked, spat upon by the guards, his flesh hanging on to his bones, bleeding, punished, for the 'crime' of revealing His identity. Wonder when we ever will know the true meaning of being 'crucified' with Christ and being hidden in Him.

A Paradox

When everyone is harping about the great Indian rising and the powerful, gluttonous Indian middle class, I just thought what a paradox this is. On one side we have high rising flats and malls and the other side tucked away in some dark corner of the same city, we have the slum dwellers in their ramshackle tenements and rickety shacks. When models drape designer rags and size zero somethings and proudly exhibit their 'acquired' jutting shoulder blades from strict diets on orange juice, we have scores in the streets and bylanes on similar attire(which were never designed by those fashionistas) where a size zero might prove too large for their frail bodies. We have NGOs and other organizations doing all they can to bring awareness on AIDS and STDs and even whole commisions to debate over sex education for school going children and yet the tourist spots across the nation has seen an increase in sex tourists and paedophiles, notwithstanding the drug traffickers all of which interestingly enjoy backing from higher ups. When our country boasts of thousands of schools and colleges (mostly private that are really flourishing businesses just like our many hospitals), primary education for all children, stopping child labour and safety for children, let me not forget the many innocent, ignorant, voiceless, hapless little ones who are thrown into the streets everyday to fend for themselves and end up being used by some perverted jerk for his pleasure, who might even be a policeman, who was supposed to be their guardian. The women's comission and feminists shout out loud their great achievements over the years and point out the independent, self sufficient Indian woman of today but we often forget that the independent Indian woman is still scared to work night shifts and dare not travel even in a bus after 10 in the evening alone and that the female to male ratio is off-balance owing to female foeticide rampant even in cities and what about all those women who ended their lives after being outraged and branded never able to handle the ridicule from the society they were part of, those who are tortured by husband/relatives for dowry (which according to history was abolished years back) and many more...When we get proud of our financial stability that can overcome even the feared inflation and aid us to purchase an apartment in the heart of the city, we shamelessly forget those who have opted for one meal a day diet and no vegetable/protein diets to just get through each day...Isnt it a paradox? I do dearly love my country but sometimes I feel I will never understand it fully...

Back to school

First day to school, first day to school(not exactly the first first, but the third first...yawn)...and today I had to drag myself out of bed to fix Abhishek's lunch and snacks and get him ready while Manoj got ready for work...another year of homeworks and exams and projects and stuff which I thought had safely got rid off somewhere after(or was it before?) passing out of college. Abhishek is forever cool as a cucumber while his mother gets all tensed up over his monthly tests and assignments and ofcourse his father feigns ignorance, which is not unusual, and urges son to watch cricket with him. And now ofcourse our new edition in our family, Kia, tagging along beside me, with hands out stretched demanding her daily hugs, squeezes and kisses which is mostly 24/7. Yes I am excited about school...

Culture shock!!!

This happened many many years ago, when we were just out of college. While me and Manoj were planning, contemplating, struggling, enjoying and altogether being adventurous in our marriage with a meagre income, in Kochi, our friends and batch mates were either landing up in cushy jobs or migrating to USA for higher education. So far so good. Now, when I met one of my friends for her wedding (she opted to get married, migrate and then study in promised land, wasnt that clever of her?)Well, after the priliminaries, we got into deeper gossips and then she spoke of a classmate who went to US of A for further studies, had come back to India and couldnt stand the life out here. She had a culture shock!! Oh my gosh!!! This was Deja Vu for me. My father had told me this one years back. His cousin brother, a very young man then, had been sent to Dubai by his uncles (includes my grandpa) following his father's death and as he had to take care of his mother and two sisters who were still studying in school. The boy was intelligent and hardworking and soon was working with a good firm and after few years, his mother found him a bride and the couple settled in Dubai. Now is the best part, he comes back to visit his mother and sisters but refuses to stay in the house he was born in!! The reason, the place is too hot and dusty. So every time he visits his mother, he stays in a hotel and moves about in air conditioned taxicab in good old Bangalore. Wow! Some culture shock!

Praise and Worship, as I understand it

Praise and Worship is an integral part of any practising christian today and am quite sure that most are aware of the 'what' of it. But just a recap- praise is all about what God has done in our lives and Worship is what is due to Him for who He is. Now, Ive often wondered about the 'how' of the matter. How do I really express my appreciation and my awe to the Almighty?
Is it just by singing all those beautiful songs with weighty lyrics (For the naive, it is fast numbers for praise and slow ones for worship)?
Or is it by bowing/handlifting/prostrating/waving/clapping/jumping etc? Does it end there? One thing that struck me was that as Jesus points out in John that God is Spirit and we ought to worship Him in spirit and in truth, so it doesnt just involve our bodily actions or our vocal cords. It is beyond the flesh. It involves the spirit within us.
I have often experienced an aloofness in my mind and spirit even when my body was performing those actions of devotions. And one thing I understood is that people can be easily fooled by my outward piety and I have seen that we all are good actors. Our heart, our inner self, can be completely detached from what we do and yet we so well deceive everybody around us. How often have we pasted our best smiles for our rivals while our heart was bitter and even scheming the worst for them. Maybe, what I have described so far happens to me alone, and I thank God that you are such a perfect human being!
Alright now for all those imperfect humans like me, let me continue...
So here's my question - even if I put all my heart, spirit, soul, strength in singing a song and really do mean it when I sing unto God, does my job of praising and worshiping Him end there?
My relationship with God has always evolved through my relationship with others. From my marriage I knew about love unconditional, forgiveness, the importance of being faithful, about trust and commitment. When I became a mother I could feel, atleast in lower degrees the kind of love God has for us as a Father. Just so, I understand that to appreciate my husband, I neednt sing songs the whole day to him (it would be so boring, especially when you are not a good singer)but I would show it through words and actions. I might even praise him in front of others to show how much I care about him and about what he did for me. If I really love him, I would never want to hurt him on purpose and my actions would speak better than hollow words. (This applies the other way round too).
So praise and worship doesnt really involve songs alone, it is just the tip of the icecream, cream of the cake, whatever, as long as you catch my point. The real thing is to be obedient to God, to be real followers of Christ and His principles (if we really worship Him). And how do we do it, but to show Christ-likeness in theraltionships He has placed us on earth, This is our real witness, much more deep and powerful than when we stand on a podium, preach and leave the place for good. Let them see the real 'me' and 'you' devoid of our masks. Let them see what we are made of , same as they are but the difference being our obedience to our Lord Jesus, Who prompts us to stand up each time we fall, to forgive, to endure, to show mercy, to encourage, to lend a helping hand and to shower love, expecting nothing back. That is the hardest part (wish we could just sing away to glory) but this, I understand, is true praise and worship.

For the unsung Obama loyals of India

Everybody who is anybody has to be an Obama supporter these days, though this might not directly or indirectly effect your mundane lives. This has turned out to be a real fad now. Be an Obama fan or be out of the circuit!! Whoa! so its... me too!! Oh! why should i sound so colorless eh? I did enjoy listening and reading those war of words hurled between the would-be democrat nominees (esp. Hillary's unfailing optimism, her 'toothy' smiles, her laughs that could ward off any 'jerk' from bringing up some silly contradictions in her speech etcetera) even when inflation struck indian market and prices for gas(not just petrol but LPG, remember I am in India) skyrocketed and Nepal buried its centuries old monarchy and BJP formed its governement in Karnataka and ofcourse uncle Musharraf is quite adamant in his policies and grand uncle sardari is eyeing the pres. seat). Really sad that Hillary decided to endorse Obama. Just when things were getting really juicy...nevermind just have to wait for 2012 hmmm. And ofcourse I did enjoy those Obama speeches...really soul stirring, heart warming, tear jerking inspiring talk that can change any heart os stone into... something else...i just remembered those martians in Mars Attacks when Jack Nicolson as Pres. extends his hand for peace...and then, phummm...hope those terrrorsits wont have that sort of attitude problem....