Musings

When I am tired when I am depressed
When I am alone and when I am burdened
I wish with all my heart that
I could be a child again
Then I would be free from life's difficulties
Free from the pain that is caused by love
and seperation
From hurts and envy that often follows every mind
From anger and bitterness which has dogged me so many times
Then I would be running free with the wind,
Or lay myself down on a patch of grass
Looking up at the sky with a thousand stars
without being conscious of being watched
Climb trees, swing my legs and eat what i liked
Be loved by all and hugged by all
Would hold my thatha's (grandpa in kannada) hands as I picked every pebble and interesting looking stone
And inspected every hole in the ground
While he went on with stories of his childhood.
Wish I had listened more intently to what he said
Then I could have recalled all of it in his absence now
But it didnt matter then what he spoke
His presence was all I needed which it seemed was there forever
And then there was Ajji (grandmother) who would fold her legs like a cradle
And make me curl up there
That was the most comfortable place for me ever after my mother's womb
Then she would stroke my hair as she sang a lullaby
Thatha's hands always smelled of nose powder,
He wouldnt put the powder deep inside his nose, just at the tip
And then wipe it off and sneeze twice or thrice
That was his style statement! And Ajji smelt of coffee
and curd and turmeric and sandal wood (now that was because of the Mysore sandal soap which she used)
Oh I wish I could be a child again
But i know it is not possible in this world again
Cos only one life we have here to live
But when I die and and be taken up to be with my Father
I know I will be a child again
Where my heart will be light and my mind clear as crystal
I will be free of everything that had me bound on earth as a mortal
But one hurt would still remain with me forever
That I will never see my thatha and Ajji again
For they never knew The Way...